Category: Mindset

If you are looking to change your mindset and prioritize self-care, this is the right place for you.

7 Most Common Self Care Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

So you have started your self care journey but it isn’t going quite as you expected? You may be making one of the 7 common self care mistakes and don’t even know it.

Trust me, I know what it’s like, I’ve been there. More often than I’d like to admit.

In this article, I will get into every one of them, and I’ll show you how to avoid them.

What Are Self Care Mistakes?

If you feel that self care isn’t quite working for you, maybe it’s because you are too strict with it. Or you may be too strict with yourself.

Self care is about making space, being patient and learning self compassion.

If you feel stuck, it may be because you are treating it too much like a job. And this is the exact opposite of what you want.

Don’t worry, we’ll get into all the self care mistakes you might be making, and I’ll show you how to avoid them.

I know “self care mistakes” sounds scary, but there’s no need to panic. This article isn’t supposed to show you yet another thing you are doing wrong. It’s supposed to be a tool to help you out on your journey, and make your work a lot easier.

So without further ado, let’s get into it!

1. Bubble Baths Are Not Self Care

This is the most common misconception people have about self care.

It’s true, it may be pleasant in the moment. And there is nothing wrong with treating yourself once in a while. But a bubble bath won’t work for your long term wellbeing.

Self care is about sustained effort. It is about creating a routine that’s beneficial for your physical and emotional health.

Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against treating yourself to a slice of chocolate cake, while watching your favourite comfort movie. I don’t object to a hot bath after a long day. But please don’t mistake this for self care, and don’t expect it to make you feel better on the long run.

2. Having Unrealistic Expectations

Self care covers many aspects, and there is a lot that goes into it. It can mean physical, emotional, social, spiritual self care and so on.

One of the most common self care mistakes people make, is trying to do everything at the same time. I am guilty of it. I used to stack up as many self care routines as I could in a day. And then felt guilty when I failed.

If you are starting out, don’t try to cram everything in your daily routine. You will get overwhelmed and, within a couple of days, you will feel like a failure.

Try to introduce new routines one by one. Then only add new ones when the old ones are habit and don’t require any effort to maintain.

For more ideas on how to begin your self care journey, check out this article here:

Best Strategy to Begin Your Self Care Journey and Stick to It

3. Treating It Like a Job

Another mistake you might be making is treating your self care journey like you would a job. This means putting pressure on yourself to tick off everything you decided to do in a day.

I used to do this all the time. Every day I would set goals for myself. I would force myself to

meditate
work out
socialize
eat healthy
do breathing exercises

I would have to hit all these targets on my to-do list every day and I would feel disappointed if I didn’t.

This is the best recipe for failure. There’s a reason why its called “care”. You’re supposed to care for yourself, not stress yourself out even more. So if your self care journey feels like a chore, it most likely is.

Try to be more forgiving with yourself. Give yourself space and be patient. Self care is not supposed to be another to-do list that you have to tick off at the end of the day.

4. Only Focusing on One Aspect of Self Care

As I said earlier, self care has many aspects and it requires a holistic approach.

Going to therapy is self care, but so is regular exercise or nurturing your relationships. If you are only focusing on one aspect, you might be missing out on the benefits of self care.

It’s great that you are doing your meditation practice every morning. But if you are not looking after your body, that can affect your mental health. Everything is connected.

For your overall wellbeing, you should look after your mental, emotional and physical health.

I know that sounds like a lot of work. But you can begin with small steps and build up from there.

5. Not Asking for Help

One of the most common self care mistakes people make is trying to do it all on their own.

The world we live in has pushed us to be more and more individualistic. To the point where we’re afraid or ashamed to ask for help. I don’t know about you, but I always hesitate to ask for help from others. It feels like I’m being a nuisance.

But we are social animals. We are meant to live in tribes, to co-exist. We are supposed to help each other out and to depend on each other. We connect when we work together.

Try to get over the fear of asking. If you don’t know how to, here’s how it worked for me:

Think back on the last time someone asked you for help.
How did you feel?
Were happy to be of use?

Chances are the answer is yes. Because we like to feel needed. The idea that others feel bothered by our needs is often only in our heads.

Most people, decent people, are happy to help. As for the rest, you don’t want them in your life anyway.

6. Not Being Consistent

Like with everything, consistency is key. You cannot see results if you don’t make a practice and stick to it.

I understand that this might be challenging, since we are always busy. It’s hard to cram new habits and practices into an already busy schedule.

This is why I always recommend to take it slowly.

Start with small steps and keep at it.

It’s more efficient than going at it in leaps and bounds. Focus on small habits and do them consistently. The results will be instantaneous. I promise, it works every time!

7. Learning Instead of Practising

If you are reading this article about self care mistakes, that’s great. Learn what you need from it. But then go do it!

Information without practice is useless.

You are not working on your self care because you are reading about it.

It’s easy to fall into this trap. Consuming content and info on something is great. It teaches you what you need to know, and the internet is a wonderful tool for learning.

But one of the downsides is that it’s meant to keep you engaged at all times. You are supposed to spend your time consuming content, instead of going out there and living your life.

If you are not applying what you have learnt, you are wasting your time.

So start now.

Begin a new practice now.

Improve on it as you go.

Learn along the way.

Just do!

Conclusion

If you have been making some of these self care mistakes, that’s ok. This is how we learn. But now you know how to fix it.

Remember that you are doing it for yourself. There is no audience, no pressure and no finish line.

It takes time. Self care is a practice, not a race. You’re not trying to prove anything. And it’s not supposed to be perfect, whatever “perfect” means.

Learn to be patient with yourself, and stay consistent.

Have you made any of these self care mistakes on your self care journey? How did you deal with them? Please share your experience, and any tips & tricks in the comments!

What Is Emotional Self Care: The 7 Pillars of Emotional Health

If you were wondering what is emotional self care, this article will dive into the different aspects that make it up. We will look at the 7 pillars of emotional self care, and how you can make space for it in your daily life.

Emotional health is often overlooked. In a society obsessed with appearances, we only focus on the physical. The emotional side of our live is not visible, so we tend to overlook it.

In the last decade, emotional issues and burnout seem to affect more of us, and at an earlier age. So conversations about them, and what is emotional self care, are more frequent. Unfortunately, this is only the case in certain corners of the internet.

What Is Emotional Self Care

Let’s dive into what is emotional self care.

I have broken it down into 7 main pillars:

cultivating emotional awareness
learning and practising emotional regulation
setting up and enforcing boundaries
mindfulness
gratitude practice
connecting with others
self love

So let’s break these down and discuss, in detail, what is emotional self care and how to make it a habit in your day-to-day life.

1. Emotional Awareness

When you deal with your emotions, you first need to be able to identify them. We all have emotions, at all time. This is what drives most of our decisions and choices. But how often are you able to identify your emotions at any given moment? How often are you able to name them?

If you cannot identify and understand your emotions, you are their prisoner. As soon as you learn to name them, understand where they are coming from, you gain power over them. They lose their power over you, and instead you are in the driver’s seat.

For example, if something angers you, you have more control over your reaction if you notice and acknowledge the anger. If you don’t stop to observe yourself, you will react and you will do something impulsive.

If you struggle identifying your emotions, you can start by using a feelings wheel.

This is your first step in your emotional self care journey.

2. Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage your emotions, and not let them lead you. Learning to regulate emotions starts in early childhood. Your carer’s reaction to your emotions teaches you how to soothe yourself in the future. By observing their reactions and how they regulate their own emotions, you learn your future behaviour.

Most likely, our parents and carers have struggled with their own emotional regulation. That is not to say they should be blamed. They did their best with the tools they had available at the time. But they are human and imperfect, just like us. So it falls on us to learn to soothe ourselves, if we want to have a healthy and balanced emotional life.

There are a few ways you can do that:

Create Space

This relates back to our previous point, about not reacting on the spot. When you feel a surge of emotion overwhelming you, pause. Observe instead of reacting. If you have the tools, try to name it. But even if you don’t, just take a moment before you say or do something.

This will allow your body to disconnect from that reactive state. It will also give you time to get a clearer picture.

Another important skill to have in your emotional tool kit is staying with your negative feelings. Whenever we have an unpleasant emotion, we try to silence it. We do that either by distracting ourselves with work, or other unhealthy coping mechanisms. But this won’t make the feeling or the problem go away. By avoiding it, we feed the cycle of emotional disregulation.

Instead of trying to remove a negative feeling, try to stay with it. Analyse it. Try to understand where it is coming from, and why it bothers you.

Grounding

There are certain exercises and techniques you can use to disconnect from a triggering emotion. This is called grounding.

Instead of allowing an emotion to overwhelm you, you can try bringing your attention to the immediate reality.

There are countless exercises out there, the most common one is the 54321 method. It’s easy to remember and it’s a useful trick to have whenever you are feeling overwhelmed.

Here’s how it works:

identify 5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste

Doing this exercise will get you out of your head and help bring you back to the present.

Talking About It

When you think about what is emotional self care, calling a friend is not the first thing that comes to mind. But talking actually helps with regulating our emotions.

Talking about a problem can reduce stress and give perspective. Again, it gets you out of your head and helps you unload your burdens. It also gives you a clearer mindset, which will lead to better problem solving.

Have you ever felt the weight of the world on our shoulders, only to talk it out and feel more empowered as you do it? This is the power of talking. Our problems seem so much bigger in our heads. As soon as we share them with someone, they lose some of the power. This gives us a feeling that we’re not alone, which is empowering.

Journaling

Journaling has a similar effect to talking: it helps you put things into perspective. It’s very useful if you are struggling with an emotion you don’t want to share.

Journaling as a regular practice is also a great tool for emotional regulation. It gives you the habit of analysing and breaking down your issues. It teaches you to put into question every emotion and see it from every angle. It’s also good to clear your head every day. It’s like brushing your teeth, but for your mind.

If you don’t know where to start with journaling, don’t worry. There are so many journaling prompts out there.

3. Boundary Setting

Boundaries are limits that we set to protect our mental and physical space. Many negative emotions come from a lack of boundaries, or our failure to protect them.

It is normal and healthy to have limits.

When others cross certain lines, this can hurt, create frustration and emotional overwhelm. For a healthy emotional life, you should learn to set boundaries in your relationships with others.

Don’t know where to start? Try to be observant. When you have a negative emotion, try to understand:

what caused it, where it’s coming from
what you can do to avoid it in future

This is how you know what boundaries you need to set in your interactions with others.

Of course, this is easier said than done. Because identifying a limit and setting a boundary is only the first step. The hardest part is enforcing it.

For many people, it is uncomfortable to have a conversation about limits. It’s embarrassing and unpleasant to call people out. Or you might wish to avoid judgment from others. This is understandable.

But ask yourself: how much worse does it feel when they ignore your boundaries? No matter how unpleasant you think these conversations are, you can make them a habit. Just start with something small and be consistent. It’s like building a muscle.

4. Mindfulness

Mindfulness is one of the more talked about aspects of emotional self care. The internet, and even the mainstream media, talk about the benefits of mediation and how to get into it. There are countless apps that guide you through your meditation practice. There is information available for all levels, from absolute beginner to advanced.

And for good reason. There is plenty of research out there proving that mindfulness reduces stress, builds resilience, and even helps with pain management.

Whether it’s mediation, or breathing exercises, mindfulness is a great tool to have in your kit. You don’t need to spend a lot of time or energy to include this practice in your day-to-day. You can start with a 10-minute exercise, which you can squeeze in any moment of the day.

But you don’t need to sit down and have an app to practice mindfulness. You can apply it in everything you do, without putting time aside. Mindfulness means being present. It is being aware of the present moment and observing your emotions and your reactions to them. Try being more aware of the present moment.

You know when you can’t find your keys, you put an object in the wrong place, or can’t quite remember a conversation? That’s because you weren’t mindful in those moments. You allowed your mind to wonder and didn’t engage with the present. Try to be more aware from now on. Notice your surroundings, put intentional thought into your actions. This is also mindfulness.

5. Gratitude

Gratitude is another pillar of emotional self care that is easy to apply in your daily life with remarkable benefits. It is the practice of acknowledging the good things in your life. It helps you have more positive emotions and reduces stress. With long term practice, gratitude changes the way you think.

How do you get into it? It’s easy. List 3 to 5 things every day that make you feel grateful for. Take the time to think about it, don’t just list them to get them out of the way. You need to feel the gratitude.

The way you do this is by being specific. For example, instead of:

“I am grateful for my dog”
try “I am grateful for the cuddle session I had with my dog this morning”

Do you notice how the second option forces you to re-live a positive moment?

Try to focus your gratitude practice around feelings, around the benefits to your life.

6. Connection

This is a broad term, but it boils down to creating connection with others and the world around us. We are not meant to be isolated. We are a part of a whole, and we have an intrinsic need to belong. Neglecting your connections is neglecting a vital part of your emotional self care.

Meaningful Relationships

Humans are social animals, and our wellbeing depends on us being part of a community. Studies have shown that people who struggle with loneliness are more depressed, anxious and live shorter lives.

So make time for your friendships. Check in with your best friend. Go to that dinner you’ve been postponing. Next time you get an invitation to a party or event, don’t turn it down. Call your relatives from time to time and ask them how they’re doing. Take time after work to chat with your partner. All these things matter and they are essential to your emotional stability.

Community

Our need for connection runs deeper than our immediate relationships. We also need to feel part of a bigger tribe. We need to feel useful.

If you can, take some time to contribute and give back. I know we’re all busy with everyday life. But it’s important to set aside an hour or two every couple of months to volunteer for a cause you support. Find something that matters to you. Or try as simple as helping someone in need.

These actions create positive emotions and make you feel you belong to something bigger than yourself.

7. Self Love

The last pillar of emotional self care is self love.

We are often so critical of ourselves. Our expectations of ourselves are always growing. There’s more and more on our plate. The world around us puts more pressure on us, and we put the same, if not more pressure on ourselves.

We have forgotten how to care for ourselves. Most of the time, we’re our biggest bully.

However, emotional health cannot exist when there’s constant pressure and unrealistic expectations.

Self Acceptance

You have to accept that you are not perfect. And that you’re not supposed to be. Meet yourself wherever you are. Life is a journey, and we are all doing our best. And in spite of what you see on social media, we’re all struggling and imperfect.

Learn to accept your shortcomings. It doesn’t mean that you’ve given up on self improvement. It just means that you acknowledge it’s a journey, and not about perfection.

Self Compassion

Have you ever found yourself unable to sleep, worrying about a stupid thing you said or done during the day? I know you have, and everyone does.

The good news is that we are all idiots at some point or another. There isn’t anyone in the world, no matter how successful, who hasn’t made a mistake.

Not only that, but you are not the only one who’s ever said or done something wrong. While it’s important to hold yourself accountable, dwelling on your mistakes for too long serves no purpose. For you, or the people involved. Evaluate what’s happened, learn from it, apologise if you have to, and move on.

Mistakes are how you learn and grow. So have some understanding for yourself.

Positive Self Talk

If you are the kind of person who is always self critical, you need to stop now. Beating yourself up is not productive. It serves no purpose whatsoever. And the way you talk to and about yourself influences your emotional wellbeing. Words do have power.

There are so many people who call themselves names for getting something wrong. Hey belittle themselves for making a mistake. Unfortunately, this internalises negative messages.

Try instead to give yourself space and understanding. Instead of:

“I made a mistake again, I’m so useless”, try
“I made a mistake, but it’s normal. This is how I’m learning”.

Treat yourself like you would a friend or a child. You wouldn’t be harsh or condescending. You would be encouraging and supportive. You deserve the same. Be supportive of yourself, you are doing your best after all.

Conclusion:

What is emotional self care? It’s constant self work meant to improve your emotional wellbeing. Despite the many aspects I’ve outlined above, you can start integrating it in your daily life. Like with everything, it’s best to ease into it.

Try to include a new practice in your daily habits. Take 5, or 10 minutes – as long as you can afford. I promise, you will see the benefits.

If you want to learn more about self care, check out this article on the 7 pillars of physical self care.

What Is Physical Self Care: Easy Steps for Your Daily Routine